今天讀書會開始前,聽到較年長的伙伴聊到"像我這樣的年紀,…….”,我等他講完後,半開玩笑的告訴他要為他計算在讀書會裡,總共講了多少次的 "像我這樣的年紀”。然後我侃侃而談關於我對這種認老或賣老言詞的看法,包含有次講座中,我聽到主講人講到"五十歲的老男人,如何如何",當下馬上舉手抗議,因那年我正好滿五十歲,心裡不太能接受。當我講到"不太能接受"時,內在起了一個微妙的變化,啊~~原來~我常常聽到人家說"這把年紀""老"類似的年紀時,都有一種不能接受的心情,彷彿內心有個閥門從肚臍上升擠壓到喉頭,把我想講的話擠出。通常講的話都是,現在的人都很年輕,像誰誰都自認年輕,有何年輕的舉動….等等的。
原來是我無法接受自己變老或隨著年紀失去一些自豪的東西,卻還沒有其他東西可以取代。
當下,向這位伙伴表示他講的這句話,我已理解沒任何問題,是我的內在讓我想透過言語的激勵,輕聲吶喊自己的一些無奈或懊悔的喘息罷了。
在讀書會將結束之際,伙伴分享對"老"這字,一向是懷著尊敬及珍惜之意。有其他同學也分享對相關詞語的看法。明在的一樣的言語,在每個人暗在之處,幽然映照著不同的經驗、記憶及渴望。
在和別人的交流中,找到自己的答案是珍貴的經驗,彼此間的流動,自己的,對方的,身心交感,頗有澄心況味。老好了!
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